Queen Victoria Writes the Dean of Windsor’s Widow With Her Personal Condolences, and Saying the Pain of Loss Will Last a Long Time

“It has been a great pleasure for me to mark my respect & gratitude to my beloved friend, in doing any thing for you. I fear the blank, the dreary objectlessness comparatively speaking must increase for some time.”

Gerald Wellesley, nephew of the great Duke of Wellington, was appointed personal chaplain to the Queen in 1849, becoming Dean of Windsor in 1854. He married Magdalen ‘Lily’ Montagu, daughter of Lord Rokeby, in 1856. The couple were in constant contact with the royal family, and he was one of the Queen’s closest advisors. He died in 1882. The couple’s only child died in early 1883 at age 18. Both were laid to rest in St. George’s Chapel, Windsor. Prince Albert, Victoria’s husband, had died in 1861, and Victoria went into deep mourning. Thus, in 1882 both Victoria and Lily had lost their husbands to early deaths, and Lily would lose a son soon after.

Autograph letter signed, on her Loch Munch letterhead, October 18. 1882, to Lily, saying that she’s happy to be of help but that the pain of loss will last a long time and she should avoid idleness. “I have to thank you so much for your kind letters & the precious hair. — It has been a great pleasure for me to mark my respect & gratitude to my beloved friend, in doing any thing for you. I fear the blank, the dreary objectlessness comparatively speaking must increase for some time; only while your dear Father is spared you will have him to look after & devote yourself to – which is a great mercy.

“It is very kind of you to have written to Mr Carver & he feels it very much. He is such a kind man, & so sympathetic that he appreciates such kindness deeply.

“I cannot say how I dread the return to Windsor which is a week earlier than usual on account of the return of the Troops. How that would have interested him, & especially to hear my dear Arthur [her son Prince Arthur, Duke of Connaught and Strathearn] so well spoken of. It is only a month yesterday that our dear Dean was taken. It seems much longer. Windsor – always gloomy will be doubly so now – where we shall miss Him every where!

“No doubt as you say — it is all sent in mercy for Him but not for us! I hope your Father is pretty well.”

This letter shows her continued preoccupation with death and loss, and surprisingly indicates she does not like Windsor, unlike her great-great granddaughter Elizabeth II.